Friday, November 30, 2007


Peter Larnier is the alias I used for this letter. It's one of the rare times a letter came from him. He was referenced in many letters he just didn't write them very much. As is indicated below he's the music director (well one of them) for my musical about Gouda cheese.

The synopsis below went out with every letter I mailed that referenced my musical "The Life of Gouda." With the absurdity at this level it's hard to believe anyone would respond. Richard Klein is for me the perfect B-List Celebrity. Partly because I loved Three's Company growing up and also because people think they know who he is and then guess the wrong person.

A huge shout out to my pal Brian Vermeire for the graphics and design on the letterhead. He has done virtually all of that for me over my letter writing years. The Gouda Letterhead and flyer are just the tip of the iceberg.

Like I said, hard to believe anyone would respond to this silliness, but I'm glad they did.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig

Here's one of far more recent vintage. Harold M. Rantello, or Hal, is by far the alias I have used the most for these letters. Originally his letters focused on chickens and chicken related themes. It's fair to say Hal was obsessed with poultry. Eventually he branched out and started concerning himself with other topics. At this point almost every one of these letters I write comes from Hal. He's a fascinating guy so I like to let him have his say. This is also a good example of my penchant for mailing people random items to gauge their reaction.

Doesn't sound to me like MLB has much of a sense of humor.

They mailed the Pringles back! I guess they weren't hungry.


This is an example of a letter I really din't expect any reply to. At the time I recall it seeming way over the top to me. I've loved Elvis for years. But not the way the version of me writing the letter loves Elvis. That's just not normal.

It figures that when I didn't expect a reply I got one. A sort of scary one too.

Sara Lee

Uncle Irwin is the fake relative to appear in the most letters. There was a period where I shoe-horned him into as many letters as possible. I used to work with an older guy named Irwin who was fired for stealing petty items. I don't think he needed the stuff but he seemed to get a charge out of stealing things like candy and assorted trinkets. Other than the name though there is no real similarity.

They don't seem to care that I ballooned up to 300 pounds. In fact they sent me some coupons so I could eat more!

Really Sara, couldn't you have personalized the photo!?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Baseball Hall of Fame

In addition to writing under aliases at times I also use a recurring cast of characters. This gives some of my letters a connective thread. Often these characters are "fake relatives." They generally have absolutely no correlation to people I'm actually related to. Grandpa Roy is one of those fake relatives. As with most of my fake relatives I'm pretty impressed with Grandpa Roy even if no one else seems to be.

Don't skip the PS it's the best part of the response.This is a case where I'm not sure if they're serious or they get the joke and are playing along.

Oscar Meyer

I really enjoy sending out checks for inconsequential sums of money. None of the companies or individuals ever seem to cash them. However the checks seem to set off a red light which they respond to.

For some reason most people that I contacted about one of my "dreams" responded. I'm not sure why. Perhaps they think i'm nuts.

In addition to almost always returning the checks they are often kind enough to send me coupons. How Sweet!

American Arm Wrestling Association

At some point I was fascinated with what I'd call fringe groups. They're the sort of organizations most of your friends and neighbors DON'T belong too.

Often times the beauty with these folks is they're starved for any sort of attention. They're usually very friendly and ready to answer your questions and help with your requests. They're so nice it almost feels bad to poke a little fun...

I did say ALMOST

Monday, November 26, 2007


This letter to Pillsbury is one of my early favorites. It was one of the first times I "forced" someone to write me back because I made it clear I was taking action. As simple as it seems now it taught me that I could say I was going to do something and that would get peoples attention. It didn't matter at all that I had not intention of following through. This is probably the first response I received from an attorney during my letter writing campaign. And believe me, that made me VERY happy!