Al Roker

I've always enjoyed Al Roker and for some reason I sensed that he's a nice man. One of the aims of this letter was to put that theory to the test. Plus I was always trying to get something for Uncle Irwin's wardrobe!

Exactly 1 week after mailing my letter a FedEx package arrived.

A note from Al. Seems he has his own stationery.

And who would have thought it! A tie! A Dr. Seuss tie to boot. I guess my feelings were right, Al must be a very nice man. In case you're wondering, he returned the check too.

Dave Thomas of Wendy's

Generally speaking when writing a company with a special request, I like to go to the top. This was the case with Wendy's. A rare appearance by my fake fiance/wife Betty

At least they have nice envelopes.

This entire response is a bit of a surprise to me. Especially the fact that their biggest concern is alcohol, which I never mentioned.

Consolidated Brokerage Services

By June of 1998 I was way deep into the whole "The Life of Gouda" thing. I wrote a lot of letters about this fake play. Many of them were not responded to. That's no surprise though when you read the inane ideas I was floating and look at the stationery. The one sheet "flyer" for "Gouda" can be found here. There was this cool used record store I used to shop at in New Milford, NJ. It was owned by a great guy, Frank Siliberti.

Other than pointing out that he screwed up the date of my letter, there is not much I can add to his response. Wow.

2 pages too! Bonus.

Governor Christine Todd Whitman

In August of 1994 I was at an Eagles concert at Giants Stadium. Then Governor Whitman, was sitting directly behind me. I said hi and she seemed friendly enough. A couple of years later I recall reading or hearing some story about pigs as pets. It seemed like a good time to get in touch with the Governor.


I waited and waited. Finally when I could wait no more I decided to play the Uncle Irwin card. Asking for things on behalf on an elderly uncle seems to tug at the heart strings for most people.

A response from the Governor herself would have been preferable of course. But the fact that her aide responded to both of my issues made up for it. I enjoyed tying in the scent fuel thing as if it were a reality. This was one of the first times I did that. Eventually it would become a fairly regular thing for a letter to exist within the world of the other letters. It was a place where all the things I wrote were true.

At least the Governor was nice enough to take care of Uncle Irwin on his 65th birthday.

Office Max

This letter was a turning point for me. As unusual as the letters had always been, writing this one burst the dam. After this not much was off limits. The insanity just ratcheted up from here. I sent almost identical letters to Staples and Office Depot. The only difference was the name of the "cafe." This letter is the absolute favorite of a few people who have read most or all of my letters.

Another turning point as this was the first time one of my letters received a response by certified mail. It's hard to describe how thrilled I was.

Of the Office supply chains, Office Max provided the best response. As with several other letters the last sentence carries the day.

Warner Wolf, Sportscaster

For a period I wrote numerous celebrities asking them for different articles of clothing. These requests were always made to honor my Uncle Irwin in some way. I had varying degrees of success. I chose Warner Wolf because of all the NYC area sportscasters I really always liked him best.

Not only does Warner respond, he gets style points for the handwritten note.

At least Warner came through with the picture. Of course I asked for the picture to be autographed for me. But since he couldn't come up with a spare belt for Uncle Irwin I guess he figured the photo would do. I think the photo being addressed to Irwin is funnier anyway. He also returned the check of course.

Tom Kean

Does a former Governor count as a B-List Celebrity? I'm not sure if he does but I'll go with that premise. Always good to see Uncle Irwin make an appearance. He seems to have quite an influence on my likes and dislikes.




So Tom, you're going to ignore the fact that I thought your brother is Michael Caine? I thought you'd send a form letter at least. But no just a photo. And a 5X7 Black and White. With the tuition Drew University charges they couldn't afford to get you 8X10 photos in color? At least you respected Uncle Irwin's Birthday. Though I have to say, you could have signed it with a Sharpie!

Sara Lee

Uncle Irwin is the fake relative to appear in the most letters. There was a period where I shoe-horned him into as many letters as possible. I used to work with an older guy named Irwin who was fired for stealing petty items. I don't think he needed the stuff but he seemed to get a charge out of stealing things like candy and assorted trinkets. Other than the name though there is no real similarity.



They don't seem to care that I ballooned up to 300 pounds. In fact they sent me some coupons so I could eat more!



Really Sara, couldn't you have personalized the photo!?