Saturday, December 29, 2007
Hormel Foods
I am quite satisfied with this response. It may be short but it's also specific. That said Hal may write Kelly back with a follow up request.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Starbucks
Sometime in 1999 Hal decided he should have a second resume. This one is less colorful, but careful reading reveals it's no less absurd. His history here is completely different. Jake's Chevrolet is a subtle reference to one of my all time favorite comedians Jake Johannsen who hails from Iowa
It's almost a form letter but not quite.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
National Model Railroad Association
Imagine my shock when they said they were into it!
Not only did they want my videotapes, they wanted me to know all about their organization. Thank goodness they highlighted the important passages.
What, nothing important on the back?
Once piece of literature wasn't enough....
See what fun you can have if you join their club?! Yippee!
I can be very patient. I claimed I had 6 months to live in the first letter. I waited almost 9 months and wrote them back. Well my fake son wrote them. Of course I had to offer them something I was sure they didn't want. You may want to check out the Taxidermy letter after this one.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Campbell House
National Frozen Pizza Institute
Goya Foods
Friday, December 21, 2007
Cremation Association of North America
You think they could spell my name correctly and get my gender right.
Why won't anyone cash my checks!?!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Chevrolet
Finally! Someone wants my idea. Or at least claims to file it away.
Department of The Treasury
I took them long enough to respond. They were probably off on a 3 month coffee break. But how kind of them to provide the address for my next letter. That's service!
No one could take this seriously, could they? On this stationery?
And if somehow you can look past the absurdity of the letter, how can you take this deposit slip seriously? I have to give Brian credit here not only for the deposit slip design, but for the "cetegories" as well. This entire thing was his baby.
This resume might be Brian's masterwork. At least as far as designs he created for me go. I LOVE this thing.
I have no idea what they're talking about. It sounds like they actually want to help me open my own bank. And unlike the other people they don't seem opposed to the idea of printing my own money. Like everyone else, they just want to get paid. This was the last I heard from them. I was going to pursue it further but decided to leave the G-Men alone. Maybe I was taking the X-Files too seriously.
Marantha Bible Camp
The great part of this response to me is that Ted obviously gets the joke. But he was still kind enough to play along.
George M. Steinbrenner III
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
General Mills
Sadly, all my enthusiasm was met with a form letter. And they actually returned my original letter. I guess they didn't want to store the evidence in case they came up with this "on their own" later.
I remember learning about Eli Whitney in school. At the time it seemed like useless knowledge that I'd never be able to apply in the real world. How wrong I was.
Linda really doesn't seem to be confident in my ability to take the cereal world by storm.
Pizza Hut
Always glad to see a member of the legal team engaged. I just wish there was a way to calculate how many overall man hours I've wasted at various companies. No sense of humor and no coupons. "Most of the unsolicited ideas have already been considered." I would have killed to be in the board room that day.