National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance

When I wrote this particular letter I was contacting a litany of lesser known organizations. My main thing here was people trying to change terms to sugar coat things. So NO, I wasn't making fun of them or their organization. I was poking fun at society.

I expected a nasty response. This was quite a bit tamer than what I anticipated.

President Bill Clinton

When I was a kid I wrote to President Ford and he sent me a picture. In 1997 I figured I might be able to get an autographed photo from President Clinton.

The generic form letter doesn't surprise me. The fact that I didn't get a photo, did.

Flambeau Inc.

This letter would not exist if my friend Marty hadn't suggested I write Flambeau. Along with that suggestion he provided some information on the history of the Yo-Yo that a friend had passed along to him.






This response is short, sweet and quick. Not sure if there is a follow-up in here or not. Time will tell.

A Second letter to Flambeau is available here.

The J.M. Smucker Company

In July of 1997 I was a mere neophyte in this letter writing game. Characters such as Hal Rantello, Carl Lindroski and the like weren't even a consideration yet. This letter to Smucker's was a typical of the time period. There's a simplistic innocence to it.

They got back to me fairly quickly which I always enjoy. Back in 1997 it was sometimes enough to keep me at bay.

I wonder how much this stuff costs now?

A Smucker's Money Clip? Really?

By 1998 I wasn't quite as easy to please and the tone of the letters started to get a little wackier and closer to the convoluted style I prefer.

One of the things that really annoys me is when someone tries to get me to communicate by telephone.

This third letter to Smucker's, is my favorite of the bunch.

Vickie Keeps writing me back which is definitely appreciated.

By this point I was curious to see the price differences. I actually learned something. Truth is I never did understand the proliferation of Grape Jelly at all my favorite Diners.

Finally, the price list.

This thing went on for page after page. I included this one because it has the prices for the single serving jellies one would find in a diner.

Thumann's Inc.

To fully appreicate this letter, I highly reccomend first reading Hormel Foods, Hormel Foods 2 and Hormel Foods 3.

I must give Thumann's credit for responding quickly. Obviously after reading this letter I believe it's pretty apparent what my next move is.

Federal Bureau of Prisons

I wrote the first version of this letter in January of 2006 and sent it to the Warden at Leavenworth Prison. He never responded. So in December of 2007 I decided to revamp it and send it to the Federal Bureaus of Prisons. This is definitely a case where I enjoyed blabbering on about nothing.

The number 211 holds special significance in the world of The Ominous Seapods, one of my favorite bands.

The significance stems from the date 2/11. So how appropriate that they responded on February 11th! I was glad they kept the tea.

Mr. Rogers

People have asked me if I ever felt bad about any of the letters I write. Considering they're really meant in good fun, the answer is no. Well mostly. I think this letter to Mr. Rogers, tame as it is made me feel slightly bad. It's Mr. Rogers, I didn't want to offend him. I grew up with him.

Well It looks like Fred took things in stride. I should have known he would.

The New Jersey Sports & Exposition Authority

I thought I would get some sort of response to this letter. A cease & desist perhaps. Truth is I don't know how the night went. I spent the evening of 12/31/99 at Madison Square Garden.

Maxwell House Coffee

Ah flavored coffee! It seems Hal likes a special blend.




Kudos to my buddy Brian Vermeire for once again hitting a design homerun on this can of cofffee!

Kim McMiller doesn't seem amused. Truth is I'm not sure SHE exists!?

Clearly I needed to followup with Kim or whoever is writing these form letters

Hal sent his less flashy resume this time


Who wouldn't like a gift mermaid?

Kim I guess. Perhaps it's time to write her AGAIN and see if she exists.