Saturday, June 28, 2008

Hollister Co.

This letter is based on a bad experience a friend had at Hollister.

This is in fact a photo of the actual potato that was sent to them

Here it is in it's shipping container.

I expected a quick response. When none had arrived after about a month I wrote back.

I'm not too excited about Tom's reply.

They never answered my followup. I have reason to believe they found this website and decided not to play my reindeer games anymore.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Brown Sheep Company

A new letter AND the debut of a new alias. Only time will tell if he sticks. Is Aunt Ernestine the new Uncle Irwin?

Not sure why but I'm digging this envelope.

A classic hand written response. Someone actually spent more than 30 seconds on this. Kudos to them!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Warner Brothers Studio Stores

For some reason when it came to cartoon characters, Elmer J. Fudd was always my man. I feel like he's gotten short shrift though, respect wise. This letter addresses that.

I waited 10 months and this is the best they could do? Bastards!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Joe's American Bar & Grill

Barney Norman LOVES his potatoes. I really expected a cease & desist on this one.

Sunday, April 13, 2008


Something about the whole mistaken identity thing I've always liked. Not too tough to understand why they didn't write back I suppose.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Baskin Robbins 2-5

I wrote my first letter to Baskin Robbins in 1997. I recommend reading it first. A moment or two after posting it on this website I decided to write them back. The funniest thing to me about this followup is that I assume this fellow Todd still has the same exact position 10 years later even though they were bought out by Dunkin Donuts and moved their office across the country.

It makes me laugh when the return my original letter. Particularly when they make up the envelope.

This response wasn't going to satisfy me.

Especially when two identical ones (well almost) arrived the same day.

Generally if I have 2 responses from a company I feel like I'm playing with the houses money and I up the insanity quotient. Poor Jennifer... well, poor someone.

I was stunned that she couldn't accept my offer. Well not really.

3 Responses in? Nice! Time to get angrier!

Damn, Jennifer (or whoever) got tired of me and passed me on. They included 3 of these $2 coupons.

It's interesting that no one mentioned that I changed my pet from a Cat to a dog and back again using 2 different names. If it were me, I would have called the lunatic writing these on that.

Finally! They kept the money. I had decided to keep writing them until such time as they kept the money or had their legal department ask me not the write them again. Finally they sent me a list. Well all they did was print this out. And NOT even in color. Someone over at Dunkin Brands is a bit cheap. Somewhat sadly and/or oddly this is the end of my communication with Baskin Robbins...for now!


During college there was something about Denny's that was mystifying, almost magical in an ironic way. A couple of years later I wrote them this letter. I expected a nice response.

This response didn't satisfy me in the least. However in the summer of 1997 I had yet to really get into the whole followup letter idea that I've enjoyed since. And by the time I did this letter was sort of forgotten,

In February of 2008 I was about to post the 1997 Denny's letter and an idea occurred to me. What if I sent them the SAME letter again 10 1/2 years later? Would the response be similar? Would they have some nutty filing system whereby my original was still on file? I had to know. I changed the name slightly and checked their web page to make sure the menu items I mentioned were current (I haven't been to "the den" in quite awhile.) Other than that I resent the letter pretty much as it was written in 1997. Then I waited.

On April 2, 2008 I had my answer. A box beckoned on my doorstep when I returned from work. The contents is pictured below. Sadly, there was NO LETTER!. Well it took 10 1/2 years but i finally got my mugs. They don't seem as sturdy as the ones I remember, plus I was hoping for 4. I guess I'll write them again in July of 2018 and see what happens.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Flambeau Inc. 2

Before reading this second communication with Flambeau I recommend reading the original. The idea with this second letter was to get a little nuttier

This is the postcard I sent. I'm not sure why, but I REALLY enjoyed suggesting she hang it in her cubicle at work. For all I know she has a corner office with a view.

I really thought the 2nd response would be similar to the first. Of all the responses I imagined, this was NOT one of them. There was no actual letter. Just 3 things. This invoice and....

TWO Yo-Yo's! If anyone is wondering, they kept the $10.00. I think it was a bargain though. I did a web search and these things go for $16 or so apiece.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Burger King

This letter is noteworthy for two reasons. 1) It represents the first time I mentioned Hal Rantello in a letter. 2) It was NEVER mailed. The problem with mailing it was I've always been unable to get a really good photo of Hal. So I waited and waited to mail it. Hal's resume was also just being written at this point. If you want to see what it ended up looking like it's available here.

It always bothered me that Hal's first mention went unsent and largely unread. I needed to correct that. So in December of 2007 I decided to straighten it out.

I expected a bit more than this in the reply

When I wrote the third Burger King Letter the envelope looked like this. Well this is what it looked like when they mailed it back to me. Silly burger people

This third letter needed to be a touch angrier. I was shooting for a cease and desist letter via registered mail or perhaps even overnight.

This is not exactly what I was hoping for, but neither Hal or I are complaining.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance

When I wrote this particular letter I was contacting a litany of lesser known organizations. My main thing here was people trying to change terms to sugar coat things. So NO, I wasn't making fun of them or their organization. I was poking fun at society.

I expected a nasty response. This was quite a bit tamer than what I anticipated.

Friday, February 22, 2008

President Bill Clinton

When I was a kid I wrote to President Ford and he sent me a picture. In 1997 I figured I might be able to get an autographed photo from President Clinton.

The generic form letter doesn't surprise me. The fact that I didn't get a photo, did.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Flambeau Inc.

This letter would not exist if my friend Marty hadn't suggested I write Flambeau. Along with that suggestion he provided some information on the history of the Yo-Yo that a friend had passed along to him.

This response is short, sweet and quick. Not sure if there is a follow-up in here or not. Time will tell.

A Second letter to Flambeau is available here.

Monday, February 18, 2008

The J.M. Smucker Company

In July of 1997 I was a mere neophyte in this letter writing game. Characters such as Hal Rantello, Carl Lindroski and the like weren't even a consideration yet. This letter to Smucker's was a typical of the time period. There's a simplistic innocence to it.

They got back to me fairly quickly which I always enjoy. Back in 1997 it was sometimes enough to keep me at bay.

I wonder how much this stuff costs now?

A Smucker's Money Clip? Really?

By 1998 I wasn't quite as easy to please and the tone of the letters started to get a little wackier and closer to the convoluted style I prefer.

One of the things that really annoys me is when someone tries to get me to communicate by telephone.

This third letter to Smucker's, is my favorite of the bunch.

Vickie Keeps writing me back which is definitely appreciated.

By this point I was curious to see the price differences. I actually learned something. Truth is I never did understand the proliferation of Grape Jelly at all my favorite Diners.

Finally, the price list.

This thing went on for page after page. I included this one because it has the prices for the single serving jellies one would find in a diner.