Delta Blues Museum

By the time I wrote this letter, The Simpsons had been on the air for over 8 years. Everyone has heard of The Simpsons, haven't they? Always good to see Uncle Irwin get a shout out.







Glad to hear they're renovating the Old Freight Depot. I Don't know how that info hadn't reached me in NJ before this letter.

Roger Ebert

If every celebrity had complied with my requests, eventually Uncle Irwin would have a full wardrobe. It occurred to me later that Roger might have thought I was poking fun at his weight by requesting pants, I wasn't. I just thought it was hilarious to ask for someones pants based on this premise.

Two months is exactly how long I was going to wait before sending Roger a followup. I had actually started writing it. He beat my deadline by 1 week.

Really Carol? It could have been the most used up tattered pants in the world. Oh well. At least she mentions Uncle Irwin

Mead

Gee, it's not hard to figure out why this one didn't get a response.

Houston Astros

The same day I mailed this letter I also sent a letter asking some folks for a rock. I chose the Astros as recipients BECAUSE they had virtually no infield dirt at the Astrodome. That seemed funnier to me. Check out the reference to Martinson's Coffee. When I mention a coffee brand that's generally the one. It pops up elsewhere.



Much to my surprise, and delight, they responded. But they couldn't possibly be fulfilling my request, could they?

This box is slightly smaller than one that would fit a bowling ball.

Wow! Dirt!

When I got to the part of the letter where I mentioned mud pies I figured they would only send dirt if they thought I was a recovering mental patient.

Part of me thinks they were going along with the gag, but the letter is so straightforward I think Bobby Forrest and the rest of the folks over at the Astros were just being friendly.

White Castle

I believe the first letter to White Castle was also Umberto's debut. This original letter was based on actually getting way too much Ketchup on some burgers. Although nothing bad came of this, I feel like this series of letters between myself and various people at White Castle should be called "The White Castle Fiasco."

Strap yourself if before reading these, there are quite a few letters in "The White Castle Fiasco."

Form letters disturb me to begin with, but when they are also so generic as to be factually inaccurate they bother me more. Obviously I didn't call, I wrote!

Before too long another response arrived. Quickly I realized that the folks over at White Castle, REALLY do aim to please.









My follow-up was a touch more irritated. And I decided to copy the home office in addition to the local person they seemed to want me to correspond with. Little did he know what was in store for him.

I give them credit. No matter who I wrote or copied, they all responded.






Harry decided to switch fonts. I guess he was feeling fancy that day.

Finally! Coupons. And they look just like White Castle Hamburgers. Nice.

Figured I'd reiterate my inability to communicate to telephone to Theresa too. No one seems want to mention that for a guy claiming to work 2 jobs I seem to have plenty of time to write letters.

Theresa wasn't fooling around. She sent more of those coupons shaped like hamburgers.

I can't imagine why they need a letter to replace a meal like this. Wouldn't more coupons worked as well. It would have been cheaper for them to cut me a check for a few dollars than to keep writing me.

I guess this one was for Umberto.

Since they had been so responsive it seemed appropriate to contact Harry again and tell him my faith was restored. I was also hoping for some free Swag.







Once again Harry wrote back with lightning speed.

Alas no free t-shirts. But he did send this catalog and a whole book of $1.00 coupons. White Castle money! They really like sending out coupons.

You would think my communication with them was over. Really, what more could I ask them about or for. Well about 7 months passed since I had last written them and an idea hit me to up the ante.

Mark's response surprised me. I expected to be completely shot down immediately.

Now that Mark Cole had directed me to contact Harry again, I felt free reign to dial the madness up and give more details.

I was pretty surprised when over a month passed with no response. Not even a form letter with coupons? Obviously I needed to write them back.

Interesting that Harry didn't turn me down himself. I guess he figured I'd go right back to the Corporate Office which is a safe bet. Maybe I scared Harry when I invited him to the wedding?

I might have found this more amusing if they had agreed to host my fake wedding. Oh well you can't have it all. And thus ends my communication with White Castle. I think I went as far as I could with them. I imagine another letter or so and they would have stopped responding.

Vitamin Water

In 2005, Hal finally revealed what the "M" in his names stands for. I suspect he's a big fan of Merle Haggard.

The package came via UPS. This envelope was inside. Glad they hand labeled it. I suppose it could have accidentally gotten into Umberto's hands. Perish the thought.

I expected the response to be even more serious in tone.

Free Swag is always appreciated! :)

Iowa Farm Bureau Federation

Even when I wrote this one I wasn't sure if it was funny or odd. I'm leaning towards just plain odd. However, I must mention the word federation scares me a little. Sounds like they're 1 step away from mobilizing an attack.



It was surprising to me (still is) that they have TWO brochures. Couldn't they cover it in one?

Must be some nice people in Iowa, they sent the application I asked for.

It's a shame that Hal didn't start writing letters for almost 11 months after this. He would have gone to town with this application